The " Not so picture perfect " post

It never ceases to amaze me how words always fail me when i come to write something on this blog. I always pretend like this page only belongs to me, and that its windows are all pages from a tiny black book that i like to keep under my pillow, and seek out in the dark whenever i feel the need to pour my heart out. But then again, when i start typing, i find myself hitting the back button alot, not because i miss-spelled a word or wanted to rephrase something, but because i know that there are people out there, people like you, who are reading this and making countless judgments about what you read that i have to keep track of what i'm saying.

You should know by now, that whenever i go MIA, i probably got lost in some sort of a twilight zone due to my studio finals. Which brings me to the sad and harsh reality that school hasnt been going so well. Professors made sure we had the worst learning experiences, and we ended up submiiting shitty designs that even we as students are very ashamed of. Its quite pathetic how by our fourth year, some of us still dont know how to draw a fucking section through a site. The last few weeks have been excruciating, and the end result was not at all flattering. Not that that wasnt enough pain, we had to endure the horrible presentations. The critics practically raped us !

Its a relief to actually admit that this semester was a failure. Its also feels very liberating to concede to the fact that i paid 27,000dhs this semester and i didnt learn Jackshit! .. I dont want to go blaming anyone for this downfall, for all i know it could be entirely my fault.

On an Entirely different note, alot of people can tell you that i hate alot of things in life. I hate hypocrites, liars, our schools original drama queens who never cease to over-react when their pens needs sharpening or those who blow out into tears when professors simply ask them if they're bathrooms can be moved 2 inches to the right, and not to mention fucking cowards who hide their insults in jokes, I also HATE pathetic, spineless idiots who believe that life is just so beautiful. I hate it when they force the idea that its a splendid, marvelous world where one should never suffer or be in pain. That its all about learing, and rising up from the bedrock. People who always put a smile on their faces thinking that its courageous. It is certainly not corageous. If one was fooling himself believing that its a sign of weakness to breakdown and show your in pain and depressed, then those are the people living in LaLa land. I like feeling the pain of depression, its what makes me feel alive. I dont put a smile on my face when something is not going right, i dont preach trying to convince myself that its a perfect world where i should keep learninig from my mistakes. And i physically hate it when they try to simplify it, and pressure you into taking quick action to start your healing, moving on process. Its pathetic and unrealistic for someone to always look on the bright side. It affirms the fact that they're in denial.

With all this talk about hatred, you'd assume am a cynical, depressed lunatic whose living to hate, So lemme try to tone it down a bit lol. This past month and a half i realized i am capable of being content. I found what i needed, the answers to my questions, and tasted what it feels like to be free of the history thats been chaining me. I grew indifferent and compassionate simultaneously. Bur my fingers are still crossed!

I havent slept for 6hrs straight in 9 days, yet i still cant seem to find the reason why i cant sleep at this moment. I've explored some captivating tunes these past few weeks and i will post them as a list later this week, but i just want to share with you these few lines from David Grays song " This years love " and btw, You have to download ALL his songs. Hes is officially my number one artist for now.

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cause it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet



Love ; AssMa